the awaited call.

Well we all have a different perception of a really long time. Yesterday as i was heading out the door for a meeting, i received a call from some one that i have been really wanting to talk with. It was a very acqward conversation, one because it caught me off gaurd, and two because i didn't have time to talk.

It was also as though she had something important she wanted to tell me but didn't know how. It threw me into all kinds of thoughts and different "head spaces" I am excited to hear from here but scared & confused to talk with her.

I said i would call her when i had a little more time, and she said no she will call me? again confusing.... i asked her when and she said later. "Later today, next week, next month," all she would say is soon... after a little more talking she agreed to next week....

So let the waiting return... hopefully she will remember... I have some many things i want to share with her.

missing

I am so happy to have a puppy again. It is fun to have "some one" to play with all the time. Although, when i was heading home & around family i was reminded that i don't have some one close to me to share this exciting moument.

So needless to say i am missing jen. I don't think it would work out dating her again, but i really really miss her. I miss talking with her, cuddling with her, looking into her eyes... but it will probably be a while before i hear from her again... if ever...

Such is life i guess. Hopefully i can find someone that will challenge, excite, and romance, me as much as i do her.... Basicially someone i love with all my heart, mind, and soul.

final farewell

Last night jen called me at 12.37am, I was happy to here from her... and i knew why she was calling. We did the how are you doing and how's life...

after the small talk we moved into the real reason. We love each other and can it really work us getting back together? I have been thinking about this a lot. jen is an awesome girl, the most amazing girl i have ever dated. She is smart and intelligent, beautiful, and very very talented, she is a better designer (architecturally) than me. But we are always fighting when we are together... we are constantly at odds. It is as though we are incapiable of fulfilling the other person's needs, hopes and dreams.

I have no idea why. We have a lot of similar goals and can work really well together, but we just don't foster that loving & inspiring environment.

Last night we talked for 2:39:40. There are two options, one we get back together and work it out, or two don't see each other until we are "over" each other. I love jen so much! but I need to have some radical changes for me to get back together. And she doesn't know how or want to try and sweep me off my feet. I did it to her... i waited until she was ready keep talking with her even though she was with another guy, and did all the little stuff... but she is not willing to do that for me... that is what i need.

So last night the decision was reached that jen will "hide" from me until she no long has feelings for me. I don't know if i will ever see her again. I am very sad, she is my best friend. I really connect with justin, but jen is so much closer. I miss her so much. and i still think about her every day.

Such is life... i guess... the heart will heal... eventually and life will carry on... someday i might find a partner... someday...