last night

I had a dream... it woke me up and i could get back to sleep... it was about jen rainbolt.

I don't remember all the details but it was about here sleeping with a guy, It was shortly after we broke-up and i don't know much about him... only that he had 50 million dollars. and was really well off...

It was heart breaking. I was so devastated that i couldn't get back to sleep... i lay mostly awake until my alarm went off. It was a little taste of what jen must have felt from my actions. I know i hurt her... there is nothing i can do to about that... i can only try to repair the damage i have done...

I am well aware how i have treated others... and i am sorry for that.. i am changing my was.. although i have already done a lot of damage...

To all the girls i have loved....

i am sorry... i have not been myself... i have been a jerk, i have not treated you with respect... of myself for that matter. I have been living like a animal at the whims of his urges.

for this i am sorry. but please don't take this me saying i am sorry for your company. you are finamaldle... and have enjoyed all the time we spend together...

but alas.. i need to be more honest with you and myself! i will not go there anymore... i really want to and i really want to a family, raise our offspring and set out on new adventures...

i need a retreat.. to find myself and revitialist my respect for women... Again i am sorry i have hurt you it was not my intention... just my neglect and self centered attitude.